The Love Journal

Our "Love Journal"

I believe one of the biggest reasons for failed marriages or even just unhappy marriages is a failure to communicate. When you are in a relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, it's incredibly difficult to articulate your feelings (even for those that are full of emotion--sometimes they have it even harder!). While I think it's important to discuss things you are unhappy about, I think the bigger area couples need to focus on is discussing things you ARE happy about.

When I see couples around me or even people who are just friends, I see a great willingness in people to discuss their dissatisfaction with each other. It's so commonplace these days to point out other people's failings or shortcomings and it's easy to express displeasure if you feel your needs aren't getting met in a relationship. At the end of the day, we're no different than children in that regard. If you feel like your needs aren't getting met or like you've been wronged somehow, you either find ways of acting out or make it VERY clear to that person that you are unhappy with them (often times disrespectfully).

What I see less of is people communicating their love and respect for other people and it's this aspect of a relationship that I think can make all the difference. If all you hear constantly is how you fail to measure up, you're likely to continue to disappoint either out of depression or spite. However, if you and your spouse make it a priority to communicate the things you admire and appreciate about one another I think you'd be surprised how effective it can be at opening up communication and helping you both feel more satisfied in your relationship. That's why Jon and I ask each other the weekly questions and it's for this reason we also started what we call "The Love Journal."

Where I found The Love Journal this morning ;-)

The Love Journal is basically a journal of love notes that we pass back and forth. It's full of all the things we love, admire, respect, and cherish about each other. When we were dating, we wrote love notes constantly and it was such a beautiful way of articulating the joy and passion of the love we shared between the two of us. I felt it was especially important to continue that into our marriage to keep that spark and passion alive and well.

The Love Journal has been a source of excitement and fun in our marriage. Whenever we write in it, we hide it someplace for the other person to find. I've left it under Jon's pillow or on top of the thermostat when he leaves or even in the fridge next to his favorite thing (LaCroix!). It's completely renewed that spark of pursuing one another all over again and it's so nice to hear how loved and how cherished we are by each other and how glad we are that God brought us together.

Take time today to focus on the positives in your life instead of the negatives. Changing your perspective is sometimes all it takes to find joy and happiness in your life and in your marriage. :-)

--Kayla

Taking Time to Connect

Something my husband and I have started doing for the past few weeks is enjoying a nice big breakfast on Saturday morning, followed up with some great questions that help us to reconnect and actively discuss simple ways of improving our marriage. We got the inspiration for the questions from this blog, so be sure to check it out! They have some great ideas! I know they seem silly and we thought they were silly at first too, but it's been such a wonderful blessing to do this every week and I noticed changes almost immediately. Jon and I are pretty easy going for the most part, but they are definitely little changes that have made a positive impact in how both of us feel about our marriage day to day.

I've noticed especially that the simple act of asking each other how we can pray for one another throughout the week has really helped build intimacy and helped both of us feel loved and encouraged. I think just knowing that your partner knows what's on your heart and actively wants to pray for that particular issue helps you form a deeper connection with one another. All married couples should at least ask each other that question once a week. It's been a game changer for us! Inviting God  into our marriage instead of thinking that we can be each others' end-all be-all has humbled us and created a wonderful closeness that is simply indescribable.

Find ways to connect with your spouse throughtout the week and don't be afraid to ask him/her what they need from you in order to feel loved. I promise, it makes all the difference!

--Kayla